NEVER

“NEVER.”

That bitter sentence

sucks

a black hole

swallowing my dreams.

I dangle over the abyss.

“No more,” and

“never again,”

echo,

mocking my wishes,

carving canyons

impossible

to cross.

I expected better

although I don’t know why

I feel cheated,

trapped,

lost.

Am I still myself?

I hate this new

definition.

One without warning.

Involuntary.

Permanent.

How can I

accept

this

never

 

—DarEll S. Hoskisson 1/16

The final punctuation is up to the reader.

Is it:

How can I accept this?

Never!

or

How can I accept this “never?”

The Enemy

Hurt.

I carry the burning scars

with me.

I face them

in the mirror

every day.

The memory

inflames me

with justifiable

anger.

 

Hurt.

I will never forget

or let you in

no matter how long

you knock.

I can’t listen.

It doesn’t matter.

There is no

excuse.

 

Agony.

The betrayal.

You should have been

my friend!

 

Agony.

You might have been

if only

I had been

yours.

–DarEll S. Hoskisson 1/29/16

**I don’t believe this is always true.  There are truly enemies we need to protect ourselves and our families from, acts of true barbarism that can’t be allowed to be repeated.

But, in general, who the aggressor is in any frictional or one-sided relationship is less clear.

Friend

Friend

It isn’t that you

can’t hurt me or won’t.

It isn’t that you

can’t leave me or don’t.

The risk is real and

inevitable.

It is that I believe

that we will get through it somehow,

that although pain will come, it will be unintentional, and

that you are worth it.

–DarEll S. Hoskisson

1/28/16

What trusting is

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

 George Eliot quotes (English Victorian Novelist. Pseudonym of Mary Ann Evans, 18191880)

I have always loved this quote.  But, now that I have studied trust more fully, I see that this is a definition of what trust feels like.  It is an experience of trust.